Releasing in Tomorrow! Clan Beginnings: Clan and Crave - Chapter Five, Scene Three

  

Releasing May 31. Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print

The ghost boy haunting Conyod's home

* * * *

Conyod, age 16 

“I don’t want to go home. I’m not ready.” Conyod paced Dr. Hupsan’s office, wringing his hands. He knew it for the nervous gesture it was, but he was unable to stop.

“It’s normal to be anxious,” Hupsan said, his tone steady and calm. “It’s only for a day, Conyod. You won’t be there overnight, and an orderly will supervise the visit.”

“Maybe another month of them coming here for our visits would be better. Yeah, I’ll be ready to go to the ranch next month. Let’s do it then.”

“Conyod, sit down. You’re getting worked up again.”

The teen obeyed, taking the cushion across the low table from his therapist. His fingers drummed the table’s top, and he winced at the noise. He drummed his thigh instead.

Hupsan met his gaze. “Their therapist has assured me they’ve made great strides forward where misplaced grief and guilt are concerned. They’re ready for this. As are you, if you use the tools you’ve learned here.”

“Yeah. But what if they aren’t ready? My father Vel is crazy protective. What if he won’t let me leave? How’s an orderly going to stop him from making me stay?”

Hupsan didn’t remark on Conyod’s rising voice. “I don’t believe Nobek Vel will behave in such a way. Even if he does, your Dramok and Imdiko fathers won’t allow him to break the guidelines of the visitation contract. Nor will their family counselor, who’ll be on hand to help them while you’re there. He’s confident Tuher and Sema are fully on board where the stipulations are concerned.”

Conyod swallowed. “They say so now, but I hurt them. If they’re angry and hiding it—”

“Conyod.”

Again, there was no reprimand in Hupsan’s gentle tone. Merely caring.

Conyod drew a deep breath. The once-a-week visits his parents were allowed at the facility where he’d been remanded had gone well for the last four months. The first couple of attempts had been a nightmare, true, what with Lafec dissolving in hysterical tears when the time had come for the clan to leave. Vel had ended up raging, forcing Tuher and Sema to shove him through the exit. He’d left shouting the court and Dr. Hupsan were wrong to keep his son caged far from his parents.

Vel hadn’t noticed the irony of accusing Hupsan of keeping Conyod a virtual prisoner. It was as if he hadn’t recognized it was exactly what he’d done before the teen had managed to run off. It would have been funny if it hadn’t been so horrible.

“Vel and your mother can’t override Dr. Onbal and Dramok Tuher, especially with Imdiko Sema backing them up. There are also emergency protocols local law enforcement will follow to extricate you from your home should the orderly request assistance or fail to check in at the appointed hour.” Hupsan gave him a level look. “Conyod, what are you really afraid of?”

How could he explain it? The fear he’d go home and find himself unable to leave was real, as was being smothered by his parents’ terror. However, his situation wasn’t much different at the institution. He wasn’t allowed to leave its grounds unsupervised. Orderlies and security kept tabs on him in the facility.

It was different, though. He was simply a job to the institution’s staff. They were friendly and kind, but Conyod was one of many patients they were paid to be responsible for.

“My existence isn’t the main focus here.” Conyod was dimly aware he continued his line of thinking rather than answering Hupsan’s question. “No one’s life depends on whether I’m present or if I disappear.”

“You’re important to us,” Hupsan said.

“I guess. But your world won’t end if I’m gone. My parents…I felt if I vanished like my brother, they’d simply…I don’t know. Cease to be.” He swallowed. “I wanted to run away ages before I did, but the fear I’d somehow cause them to die kept me from doing so until I couldn’t survive another moment. Is it stupid I felt not being there would kill them?”

“Not at all. You were made to feel responsible for their emotional well-being after Hoslek’s death. No child should be asked by his parents to shoulder such an obligation, even at your current age.”

Conyod nodded. “I think you’re right, at least in my head. But the idea of going home makes it hard to breathe. I’m afraid I’ll be crushed under their worry.”

“I understand. I doubt you’ll be rid of the fear until you actually do return home and experience them acting differently than you expect. This short visit could go a long way to easing your concerns, if your parents do as they’re supposed to.”

“If they don’t—”

“Then we reassess and begin building anew.” Hupsan’s smile was comforting. “I’m not saying there won’t be setbacks in the future, but you need to give them a chance to do better.”

“Okay.” Doubt loaded the word.

“I gave you a project to work on. Have you considered what will give you a definite signal home is becoming a safe place for you to live again?”

Conyod had. “Nothing that would be proof for this visit.”

“No, I sincerely doubt you’d find it for a while yet. Your assignment was for a sign you could look for in the future, maybe after a more extended visit of a couple of days.”

“Being allowed to leave the house on my own. Even just being outdoors near the house when it’s dark. Maybe if they’d let me stay out all night so I can watch for the ghost.”

“Ah, the phantom boy so many of your family’s ranch hands reported in the months prior to you running off.” Hupsan watched him sharply. “Do you believe in paranormal phenomena, Conyod?”

He shrugged. “I’ve never seen anything supernatural, but I trust some of the guys who mentioned it.”

“Your parents were adamant the witnesses had been drinking.”

“Not all of them. Mother was convinced the ghost was real. I caught Vel watching for it before I ran away.”

“You did?”

“I sometimes woke up at night feeling jumpy.” When Hupsan’s brows rose, Conyod rushed to add, “I’d had a bad dream and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided a little walk to the stables to visit the kestarsh might help.”

“I thought you weren’t allowed to leave the house when it was dark?”

“I wasn’t. I tried to sneak out, but no matter how late it was, I ran into my father. He was always careful when it happened, like he was…well, Vel isn’t afraid of me, but he seemed anxious. He’d call, ‘Conyod?’ as if he wasn’t sure it was me until I answered.”

“You believe he was investigating the ghost reports?”

“Why else would he be roaming outside in the middle of the night? I doubt he believed in the ghost, but he might have been concerned someone was prowling around the ranch. The kestarsh are valuable.”

“Indeed. I can well understand his concerns. I’m more interested in why you’re wishing to encounter this so-called spirit.”

“I can be worried about the kestarsh too, can’t I? They’re the best part of home.”

“I wonder if you’re fantasizing the ghost boy is Hoslek.”

Hupsan’s comment told Conyod he’d deduced the fascination, and there was no use denying it. The therapist’s direct gaze hinted at nothing. No derision. No judgment.

Conyod swallowed. “What if it is?”

He’d expected some form of rebuke. Because it was Hupsan, it would be mild and couched in kind terms. It would be a rebuke, nonetheless.

The doctor surprised him. “If it’s the restless spirit of your brother and you have the opportunity to encounter him, you should be prepared. Have you considered what you’d say to him if given the chance?”

Conyod blinked. “Um. Well, I’d apologize.”

“For what?”

“For being such a shit when I last saw him.”

“You mean for being a little brother who wanted to follow him?”

“I threatened to tattle. I was angry because he left me behind.”

“A perfectly normal reaction, shared by younger siblings since time immemorial.”

“I hate it was the last thing he heard from me.” Conyod stared at his hands twisting restlessly on his lap.

“That is a hard final exchange to have had, no matter how inconsequential it would have been if Hoslek had returned. If he’d come home safe and sound, it would have been meaningless.”

“At the same time, I wish I’d been a bigger brat and found a better threat that would have kept him home.” His eyes stung, and he blinked hard to make them stop.

“This is the heart of your difficulty over the loss, Conyod. This is the guilt you carry.”

The teen regarded Hupsan in surprise. “Isn’t my biggest problem being smothered by my parents?”

“It’s the most acute issue. It’s the reason you ran from home, which is why the court got involved. Underlying it is a deeper pain, which hasn’t been addressed. It’s why your parents became so overwhelmingly protective over you…guilt for having failed Hoslek.”

Conyod considered it. It had been his greatest wish to have somehow stopped his brother from chasing the roaming mares. No thought of Hoslek occurred unless it began with if only I’d...

“Conyod, have your parents ever accused you of being at fault for your brother’s death?”

“No! They’ve never said anything like that.”

“Perhaps they didn’t have to. Maybe it was in some look you were given or in the tone of their voices when they spoke to you?”

He shook his head. “Never. In fact, when I said I should have done better a few days following the memorial service, after everyone had given up on finding him, they made a big deal about it having nothing to do with me.”

It had been quite a scene. Conyod had come into the home’s common room one evening to find his parent clan sitting on the lounger and seating cushions surrounding the unlit firepit. The entertainment vid system was turned off, yet no one had spoken. They’d stared into space, their expressions horrible in loss.

Conyod had blurted an apology for failing to keep Hoslek at home. In an instant, his fathers and mother had sprung from their seats to surround him. They’d clutched at him, talking over each other as they vied to reassure him he wasn’t responsible, that none of the blame was his. They’d gone on and on about how much they loved him…including Vel, who’d never uttered those words in Conyod’s hearing.

“If they don’t blame you, why do you blame yourself?” Hupsan’s voice recalled him to the present.

“I was there. I was the only person who was around to stop Hoslek, and I failed.”

“You were a little boy, Conyod. What could you have done?”

“I don’t know. There should have been something.” He hunched helplessly.

“There wasn’t. There was absolutely nothing you could have done to change the result of what happened. Hoslek had made his decision, and he was going to carry it out no matter what you did. It was a tragedy in which no one was truly at fault. Not Hoslek, who was doing what he thought was right. Not your parents, to whom it had been proven he was responsible enough to retrieve the kestarsh when they escaped their corral, especially since ranch hands were nearby to offer help had Hoslek asked for it. Certainly not you, a mere child who was under no obligation to supervise his older brother’s actions.”

Conyod raised his eyes at the firm tone. The conviction Hupsan wore was ironclad.

Could it be true? Had it been no one’s fault Hoslek had died due to what was no doubt a chance encounter with a zibger?

He wanted to believe it, but his brother wasn’t coming home. It seemed wrong somehow to hold no one to account for the loss.

* * * *

He needed a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?

Nobek Sletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued him years before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successful man instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he once rejected and now can’t imagine life without.

Conyod has never given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s ever wanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refuses to be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’s become, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?

Sletran’s commanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when the soldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the Nobek Erybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losing Conyod too.

Against the backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod and his grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet from the rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with who they are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced and buried once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything to find redemption and hold on to each other.

Releasing tomorrow, May 31.  Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print