Releasing May 31. Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print
The ghost boy haunting Conyod's home
* * *
*
Conyod, age 16
“I don’t want to go home. I’m not ready.” Conyod paced Dr.
Hupsan’s office, wringing his hands. He knew it for the nervous gesture it was,
but he was unable to stop.
“It’s normal to be anxious,” Hupsan said, his tone steady
and calm. “It’s only for a day, Conyod. You won’t be there overnight, and an
orderly will supervise the visit.”
“Maybe another month of them coming here for our visits
would be better. Yeah, I’ll be ready to go to the ranch next month. Let’s do it
then.”
“Conyod, sit down. You’re getting worked up again.”
The teen obeyed, taking the cushion across the low table
from his therapist. His fingers drummed the table’s top, and he winced at the
noise. He drummed his thigh instead.
Hupsan met his gaze. “Their therapist has assured me they’ve
made great strides forward where misplaced grief and guilt are concerned.
They’re ready for this. As are you, if you use the tools you’ve learned here.”
“Yeah. But what if they aren’t ready? My father Vel is crazy
protective. What if he won’t let me leave? How’s an orderly going to stop him
from making me stay?”
Hupsan didn’t remark on Conyod’s rising voice. “I don’t
believe Nobek Vel will behave in such a way. Even if he does, your Dramok and
Imdiko fathers won’t allow him to break the guidelines of the visitation
contract. Nor will their family counselor, who’ll be on hand to help them while
you’re there. He’s confident Tuher and Sema are fully on board where the
stipulations are concerned.”
Conyod swallowed. “They say so now, but I hurt them. If
they’re angry and hiding it—”
“Conyod.”
Again, there was no reprimand in Hupsan’s gentle tone.
Merely caring.
Conyod drew a deep breath. The once-a-week visits his
parents were allowed at the facility where he’d been remanded had gone well for
the last four months. The first couple of attempts had been a nightmare, true,
what with Lafec dissolving in hysterical tears when the time had come for the
clan to leave. Vel had ended up raging, forcing Tuher and Sema to shove him
through the exit. He’d left shouting the court and Dr. Hupsan were wrong to
keep his son caged far from his parents.
Vel hadn’t noticed the irony of accusing Hupsan of keeping
Conyod a virtual prisoner. It was as if he hadn’t recognized it was exactly
what he’d done before the teen had managed to run off. It would have been funny
if it hadn’t been so horrible.
“Vel and your mother can’t override Dr. Onbal and Dramok
Tuher, especially with Imdiko Sema backing them up. There are also emergency
protocols local law enforcement will follow to extricate you from your home
should the orderly request assistance or fail to check in at the appointed
hour.” Hupsan gave him a level look. “Conyod, what are you really afraid of?”
How could he explain it? The fear he’d go home and find
himself unable to leave was real, as was being smothered by his parents’
terror. However, his situation wasn’t much different at the institution. He
wasn’t allowed to leave its grounds unsupervised. Orderlies and security kept
tabs on him in the facility.
It was different, though. He was simply a job to the
institution’s staff. They were friendly and kind, but Conyod was one of many
patients they were paid to be responsible for.
“My existence isn’t the main focus here.” Conyod was dimly
aware he continued his line of thinking rather than answering Hupsan’s
question. “No one’s life depends on whether I’m present or if I disappear.”
“You’re important to us,” Hupsan said.
“I guess. But your world won’t end if I’m gone. My parents…I
felt if I vanished like my brother, they’d simply…I don’t know. Cease to be.”
He swallowed. “I wanted to run away ages before I did, but the fear I’d somehow
cause them to die kept me from doing so until I couldn’t survive another
moment. Is it stupid I felt not being there would kill them?”
“Not at all. You were made to feel responsible for their
emotional well-being after Hoslek’s death. No child should be asked by his
parents to shoulder such an obligation, even at your current age.”
Conyod nodded. “I think you’re right, at least in my head.
But the idea of going home makes it hard to breathe. I’m afraid I’ll be crushed
under their worry.”
“I understand. I doubt you’ll be rid of the fear until you
actually do return home and experience them acting differently than you expect.
This short visit could go a long way to easing your concerns, if your parents
do as they’re supposed to.”
“If they don’t—”
“Then we reassess and begin building anew.” Hupsan’s smile
was comforting. “I’m not saying there won’t be setbacks in the future, but you
need to give them a chance to do better.”
“Okay.” Doubt loaded the word.
“I gave you a project to work on. Have you considered what
will give you a definite signal home is becoming a safe place for you to live
again?”
Conyod had. “Nothing that would be proof for this visit.”
“No, I sincerely doubt you’d find it for a while yet. Your
assignment was for a sign you could look for in the future, maybe after a more
extended visit of a couple of days.”
“Being allowed to leave the house on my own. Even just being
outdoors near the house when it’s dark. Maybe if they’d let me stay out all
night so I can watch for the ghost.”
“Ah, the phantom boy so many of your family’s ranch hands
reported in the months prior to you running off.” Hupsan watched him sharply.
“Do you believe in paranormal phenomena, Conyod?”
He shrugged. “I’ve never seen anything supernatural, but I
trust some of the guys who mentioned it.”
“Your parents were adamant the witnesses had been drinking.”
“Not all of them. Mother was convinced the ghost was real. I
caught Vel watching for it before I ran away.”
“You did?”
“I sometimes woke up at night feeling jumpy.” When Hupsan’s
brows rose, Conyod rushed to add, “I’d had a bad dream and couldn’t go back to
sleep, so I decided a little walk to the stables to visit the kestarsh might
help.”
“I thought you weren’t allowed to leave the house when it
was dark?”
“I wasn’t. I tried to sneak out, but no matter how late it
was, I ran into my father. He was always careful when it happened, like he
was…well, Vel isn’t afraid of me, but he seemed anxious. He’d call, ‘Conyod?’
as if he wasn’t sure it was me until I answered.”
“You believe he was investigating the ghost reports?”
“Why else would he be roaming outside in the middle of the
night? I doubt he believed in the ghost, but he might have been concerned
someone was prowling around the ranch. The kestarsh are valuable.”
“Indeed. I can well understand his concerns. I’m more
interested in why you’re wishing to encounter this so-called spirit.”
“I can be worried about the kestarsh too, can’t I? They’re
the best part of home.”
“I wonder if you’re fantasizing the ghost boy is Hoslek.”
Hupsan’s comment told Conyod he’d deduced the fascination,
and there was no use denying it. The therapist’s direct gaze hinted at nothing.
No derision. No judgment.
Conyod swallowed. “What if it is?”
He’d expected some form of rebuke. Because it was Hupsan, it
would be mild and couched in kind terms. It would be a rebuke, nonetheless.
The doctor surprised him. “If it’s the restless spirit of
your brother and you have the opportunity to encounter him, you should be
prepared. Have you considered what you’d say to him if given the chance?”
Conyod blinked. “Um. Well, I’d apologize.”
“For what?”
“For being such a shit when I last saw him.”
“You mean for being a little brother who wanted to follow
him?”
“I threatened to tattle. I was angry because he left me
behind.”
“A perfectly normal reaction, shared by younger siblings
since time immemorial.”
“I hate it was the last thing he heard from me.” Conyod
stared at his hands twisting restlessly on his lap.
“That is a hard final exchange to have had, no matter how
inconsequential it would have been if Hoslek had returned. If he’d come home
safe and sound, it would have been meaningless.”
“At the same time, I wish I’d been a bigger brat and found a
better threat that would have kept him home.” His eyes stung, and he blinked
hard to make them stop.
“This is the heart of your difficulty over the loss, Conyod.
This is the guilt you carry.”
The teen regarded Hupsan in surprise. “Isn’t my biggest
problem being smothered by my parents?”
“It’s the most acute issue. It’s the reason you ran from
home, which is why the court got involved. Underlying it is a deeper pain,
which hasn’t been addressed. It’s why your parents became so overwhelmingly
protective over you…guilt for having failed Hoslek.”
Conyod considered it. It had been his greatest wish to have
somehow stopped his brother from chasing the roaming mares. No thought of
Hoslek occurred unless it began with if only I’d...
“Conyod, have your parents ever accused you of being at
fault for your brother’s death?”
“No! They’ve never said anything like that.”
“Perhaps they didn’t have to. Maybe it was in some look you
were given or in the tone of their voices when they spoke to you?”
He shook his head. “Never. In fact, when I said I should
have done better a few days following the memorial service, after everyone had
given up on finding him, they made a big deal about it having nothing to do
with me.”
It had been quite a scene. Conyod had come into the home’s
common room one evening to find his parent clan sitting on the lounger and
seating cushions surrounding the unlit firepit. The entertainment vid system
was turned off, yet no one had spoken. They’d stared into space, their
expressions horrible in loss.
Conyod had blurted an apology for failing to keep Hoslek at
home. In an instant, his fathers and mother had sprung from their seats to
surround him. They’d clutched at him, talking over each other as they vied to
reassure him he wasn’t responsible, that none of the blame was his. They’d gone
on and on about how much they loved him…including Vel, who’d never uttered
those words in Conyod’s hearing.
“If they don’t blame you, why do you blame yourself?”
Hupsan’s voice recalled him to the present.
“I was there. I was the only person who was around to stop
Hoslek, and I failed.”
“You were a little boy, Conyod. What could you have done?”
“I don’t know. There should have been something.” He hunched
helplessly.
“There wasn’t. There was absolutely nothing you could have
done to change the result of what happened. Hoslek had made his decision, and
he was going to carry it out no matter what you did. It was a tragedy in which
no one was truly at fault. Not Hoslek, who was doing what he thought was right.
Not your parents, to whom it had been proven he was responsible enough to
retrieve the kestarsh when they escaped their corral, especially since ranch
hands were nearby to offer help had Hoslek asked for it. Certainly not you, a
mere child who was under no obligation to supervise his older brother’s
actions.”
Conyod raised his eyes at the firm tone. The conviction
Hupsan wore was ironclad.
Could it be true? Had it been no one’s fault Hoslek had died
due to what was no doubt a chance encounter with a zibger?
He wanted to believe it, but his brother wasn’t coming home.
It seemed wrong somehow to hold no one to account for the loss.
* * *
*
He
needed a hero and found two. Can love rescue him again?
Nobek
Sletran never took Imdiko Conyod’s infatuation seriously when he rescued him
years before. When Conyod shows up in his life again as a strong and successful
man instead of a traumatized victim, Sletran has to reconsider the one he once
rejected and now can’t imagine life without.
Conyod has
never given up on the man he considers his hero. Sletran is all he’s ever
wanted for a clanmate, and he’s determined to win him at last. But the past refuses
to be laid to rest. When Conyod convinces Sletran to see him for who he’s
become, will who he was resurface and destroy the love they’re building?
Sletran’s
commanding officer Dramok Erybet is instantly fascinated by Conyod when the
soldier brings his love on base for a visit. However, Sletran isn’t the Nobek
Erybet feels is right for him. When he rejects the Nobek, he risks losing
Conyod too.
Against
the backdrop of heartbreaking childhood tragedy, a ghost who haunts Conyod and
his grief-stricken family, and military brass determined to oust Erybet from
the rank he’s worked so hard to reach, three men must come to terms with who
they are. When tragedy strikes, the nightmares of the past must be faced and
buried once and for all. Conyod, Sletran, and Erybet must dare everything to
find redemption and hold on to each other.
Releasing tomorrow, May 31. Pre-order now: Amazon, Amazon UK, Nook, Apple, Kobo, Smashwords, print
