As Michaela soaked in the basin fed by a small waterfall in one corner of the room, she looked at her crotch, distorted by the rippling water. She swallowed hard. Last night, with all the booze in her system she’d almost thought it possible she could actually find love ... or at least men capable of overlooking her bizarre form. Now in the brightness of morning, her head clear and not carried away by inebriation and lust, she knew better.
She was a freak. No one could see her as anything but that.
Michaela left the burbling basin to dry off. Then she crossed the room to the closet that held her clothing. The door obediently slid open at her command. It was stuffed full, due to shopping excursions since she’d come to Plasius. It still contained more male than female apparel though. After all, she’d lived as Michael Blake up until seven months ago, hiding her differences from the normal Earther in plain sight.
Michaela spent several minutes debating. There was one purple dress, the color as rich as eggplant, that would look stunning on her rounded frame, playing up her rounded breasts and hips while minimizing the broadness of her shoulders. She had only tried it on the one time, saving it for an important occasion ... like trying to entice a Kalquorian clan. She knew how feminine it made her appear.
Yet she hesitated to put it on. Perhaps it would be for the best if Korkla’s clan saw the other side of her, the Michael side. It would force them to acknowledge the truth of what she was. When they came face to face with her male aspect, would the three men give up their pursuit of her? Would they realize and admit that they did not want some terrible cataclysm of biology as their childbearer?
Damn it, she really liked what she had seen of them. Michaela didn’t want to deal with rejection yet. Maybe she should wear the dress and let the fantasy of acceptance continue on for just a bit longer. She could pretend they might fall in love with her for at least one more day, right? Would it be so awful to have just one day of potential, one day to dream that someone would see past the exterior to find the person within?
She trembled. It was the first time she’d ever allowed herself to contemplate the possibility of someone falling in love with her, however brief it may be. On the heels of hope came a sudden terror. Surely Korkla’s clan would hate her for the lie she would tell simply by donning the dress. When they at last saw what she truly was, their kindness would dissipate. She could already see the disgust and disdain on their faces as they rejected her.
Michaela took out black trousers and a dark blue shirt meant for a man. It took her no time to locate her hated elastic breast binding. She’d meant to toss it out but hadn’t quite worked up the courage to do so yet. She worried that someday she would have to pose as Michael again in order to stay alive.
She quickly dressed, hissing at the uncomfortable binding that made her feel breathless as it squeezed her chest. She left the shirt untucked to hide the width of her hips. Then Michaela tied her shoulder-length hair back severely, giving the illusion of shortness and enhancing her identity as Michael.
Last went on a nice pair of men’s ankle boots, still shining from their last good buffing. Being male meant no makeup, but Michaela couldn’t resist putting on moisturizer. She looked wistfully at her cosmetics. Damn, she loved being a girl so much more.
Michaela went before the room’s full-length mirror to assess the effect of her work. No, she definitely did not look female now. She didn’t look like a grown man either; instead she resembled a teenage boy.
“Which I sort of am,” she reminded herself. “Well, we’ll see what Clan Korkla thinks of this.”
Release tentatively scheduled for June.